“The fact that I’m attracted to men has nothing to do with this. If you reject that spirit, I believe he’ll leave you alone.”
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I also realized that Michael might be gay and therefore, according to my way of thinking at the time, shared some blame for what he was going through. He seemed to appreciate the positive attention that his older male companion had shown him, and spoke about their relationship with an affection he didn’t bother to hide.īy this time, I realized Michael was not lying about the guy pressuring him. To me, this was clearly an abusive relationship, but Michael said he didn’t see it that way. It soon became clear that the only person who’d shown Michael any attention had also sexually assaulted him. He would let Michael hang out with him while he ran around the hood he’d buy Michael brand new clothes, or take him out for pizza he’d come into Michael’s room late at night to spend time with him. One of his mother’s boyfriends had been different, though. It seemed like everybody in his life either hated him or was indifferent. Beatings with extension cords, whole days locked in the closet. He’d grown up in an abusive household - I’m talking about one of those homes where the kid never has a fighting chance. Slowly, Michael began to tell me what had happened, starting very early on in his life. If he was making this up, what did he hope to get out of such an embarrassing story? Yet something about Michael’s demeanor seemed sincere. But I still couldn’t shake my skepticism - why would this predator pick Michael, of all people? Of course, I’d grown up hearing the stories and the “don’t drop the soap” jokes that people tossed around so freely. In my seven years of incarceration, I had never been propositioned for sex, let alone pressured.
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He took it like I was trying to create some privacy for us, but in truth, I was stalling for time.
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Often, he would bring up “problems” that were just attempts to get attention.Īfter a few minutes, we rounded the track past the handball courts and came up to a row of picnic benches on the south side of the Yard. I remembered that Michael had a reputation in our circle of friends for being overly dramatic. I knew just about everybody on the Yard, and I was skeptical of his claim of abuse. He’s pressuring me to have sex with him.” “There’s a guy in my building that won’t leave me alone. “Come on man,” I responded, with a lightness that I hoped hid the nervousness I felt. I wondered if he had the same feeling I had, that any verbal misstep could end in disaster. He said it matter-of-factly, but when I looked at him to see if he was joking, his shoulders were slumped, his head down, his eyes focused on the track immediately in front of him. “I’m going to kill myself,” Michael said.
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When I asked him how he was doing, it took a full four seconds before he answered. His dark complexion was ashen, and there was dried toothpaste around his mouth. He looked like he could barely hold it together. Transgender 101: A Simple Guide to a Complex Issue Nicholas M.I was walking the prison track on a sunny southern California day in 2006 when a friend I’ll call Michael joined me.The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World Alan Downs Da Capo Press, 2006.Crisis: 40 Stories Revealing the Personal, Social, and Religious Pain and Trauma of Growing Up Gay in America Mitchell Gold and Mindy Drucker Greenleaf Book Group, LLC, 2008.The Way Out: The Gay Man’s Guide to Freedom Chris Nutter.
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Outing Yourself: How to Come Out to Your Family, Friends and Co-Workers Michelangelo Signorile.What do you think? You’ve known him as long as I have, and I’d appreciate your point of view." I really want to tell him, because we’re such great friends, and I think we would be such a good couple.
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For example, you might say to a mutual friend, "I think I have feelings for Tom.You probably don’t want your crush to find out your feelings from someone else. Of course, you want to be talking to a person you trust, who will not be spreading your personal business to others. If you and your confidant have this friend in common, he or she may be able to help you figure out how your crush will take the news.You could ask, "What would you do if you were gay and had a crush on your friend?" Ask for your friend/mentor’s perspective on the situation, and what they would do if they were in your shoes.Licensed Psychotherapist Expert Interview. The listening ear of another close friend or a trusted mentor may help you clarify what you want to do. Talk to another person besides your friend to help figure out what you are feeling, and to figure out what steps to take.